I was looking at novelty T-Shirts and stumbled upon a rather hilarious mustache related T. After that I felt an overwhelming compulsion to find other mustachioed shirts. I think something is misfiring in my brain.
Mustache Shakes
Mustache Rides
Cinco de Mustache
My Favorite
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Back in the USA
I've been back in the states for some number of months now. I've been bored for most of them, so I try not to keep track of the exact number, lest I become morose. I don't want to make excuses for myself, but something is preventing me from getting a job. Something......sinister.
So, between my unemployedness (not yet a real word) and disinclination to do much of anything, really, I have had some free time.
After memorizing John Hodgman's list of 700 hobo names I still had some time left over, and my time-killing weapon of choice has been senselessly antagonizing my father by deliberately making inflammatory political statements.
Now it is very late and Phoebe is sleeping on the floor next to my chair. She has a blanket, although I'm not sure from (participle firmly undangled) where it came, which, now that I think about it, is somewhat unsettling. She is also farting a lot in her sleep; it is her unsubtle way of telling me it's time to go to bed.
So, between my unemployedness (not yet a real word) and disinclination to do much of anything, really, I have had some free time.
After memorizing John Hodgman's list of 700 hobo names I still had some time left over, and my time-killing weapon of choice has been senselessly antagonizing my father by deliberately making inflammatory political statements.
Now it is very late and Phoebe is sleeping on the floor next to my chair. She has a blanket, although I'm not sure from (participle firmly undangled) where it came, which, now that I think about it, is somewhat unsettling. She is also farting a lot in her sleep; it is her unsubtle way of telling me it's time to go to bed.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Seven Crawl
Some time ago I received this message in my facebook inbox:
Fact: There are 4,770 7-11 stores in Taiwan.
Fact: 7-11 has a wide variety of beer and alcoholic beverages.
Fact: Drinking alcohol on streets in Taipei is legal.
Considering all this, we are going to go on a Seven Eleven Crawl.
Ted Glomski, a real-live Wisconsonian, had organized an event which was so genius in its simplicity that I just sat at my computer, stupefied, wondering why I hadn't thought of it first. The plan was simply to walk from Chang Kai Shek Memorial Hall to Taipei 101 while stopping to buy a beer at every single 7-11 on the way. To Americans this might not seem like so daunting a task, but in Taipei 7-11s are more numerous than Starbucks are in America.
Unfortunately, Ted organized a little to thoroughly, and about 30 people showed up for the introductory speech, in which Ted outlined the rules and publicly shamed all non-drinkers.
This is taken before the crawl officially began. If you look closely you might notice a handsome devil in green near the back.
This is taken at the first 7-11. (Hereafter referred to as simply "7" for brevity and Taiwanese-ness) We organized ourself into 6 man drinking teams to maximize 6-pack efficiency. My team's name is "Pivozerci" which is, supposedly, Slovenian for "The one who loves beer."
My turn to buy a 6-pack for Pivozerci. It goes without saying that I buy American. Factoid: Hiro Aki, the dashing looking Japanese gentleman in the bottom right, may or may not be an actual pimp who makes his manifold hos play volleyball.
More beer. Ted is the country club looking fellow in the white hat.
Congregating outside a 7. This might be the 7 at which the police rolled by. They said hi.
This is Chido. Chido is GBC (German Born Chinese.) He taught me how to say "Your mother sweats while she expletive deleted" in German. Despite being awesome, Chido proved unable to complete the 7 crawl, as evidenced by his red badge of shame. I picked up his slack.
This is the point at which everybody, in the very shadow of Taipei 101, collectively decided that we had had enough. Ted, along with a few devoted followers, carried on and touched Taipei 101, but I quit. It was sad.
Fact: There are 4,770 7-11 stores in Taiwan.
Fact: 7-11 has a wide variety of beer and alcoholic beverages.
Fact: Drinking alcohol on streets in Taipei is legal.
Considering all this, we are going to go on a Seven Eleven Crawl.
Ted Glomski, a real-live Wisconsonian, had organized an event which was so genius in its simplicity that I just sat at my computer, stupefied, wondering why I hadn't thought of it first. The plan was simply to walk from Chang Kai Shek Memorial Hall to Taipei 101 while stopping to buy a beer at every single 7-11 on the way. To Americans this might not seem like so daunting a task, but in Taipei 7-11s are more numerous than Starbucks are in America.
Unfortunately, Ted organized a little to thoroughly, and about 30 people showed up for the introductory speech, in which Ted outlined the rules and publicly shamed all non-drinkers.
This is taken before the crawl officially began. If you look closely you might notice a handsome devil in green near the back.
This is taken at the first 7-11. (Hereafter referred to as simply "7" for brevity and Taiwanese-ness) We organized ourself into 6 man drinking teams to maximize 6-pack efficiency. My team's name is "Pivozerci" which is, supposedly, Slovenian for "The one who loves beer."
My turn to buy a 6-pack for Pivozerci. It goes without saying that I buy American. Factoid: Hiro Aki, the dashing looking Japanese gentleman in the bottom right, may or may not be an actual pimp who makes his manifold hos play volleyball.
More beer. Ted is the country club looking fellow in the white hat.
Congregating outside a 7. This might be the 7 at which the police rolled by. They said hi.
This is Chido. Chido is GBC (German Born Chinese.) He taught me how to say "Your mother sweats while she expletive deleted" in German. Despite being awesome, Chido proved unable to complete the 7 crawl, as evidenced by his red badge of shame. I picked up his slack.
This is the point at which everybody, in the very shadow of Taipei 101, collectively decided that we had had enough. Ted, along with a few devoted followers, carried on and touched Taipei 101, but I quit. It was sad.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Don't Jump!
A girl killed herself at my school yesterday morning. Some frantic school administrators came into my class to make sure it wasn't a student of the school. It wasn't. It was a twenty-something Taiwanese girl. One of my friends said she was on campus early in the morning and saw a splotch of blood and some far-flung shoes. My roommate Nathan was there later in the day and says he saw a patch of very clean asphalt about ten feet from the edge of the building.
I guess suicide is a pretty big problem in Taiwan. Work is really stressful here. I know that a lot of people work more than 10 hours a day. The Taiwanese authorities are not, however, without a plan. At the subway station nearest my house there is a sign above the escalators with a picture of a smiling monk, feet on a cliff and head in the clouds with a big, blue-lettered reminder that "You don't need to commit suicide!" and a hotline number.
This led to many questions for me. Why is the monk smiling? Was he recently dissuaded from suicide? Was he about to jump off that very cliff? If so, how did he call the hotline? Also, how do you talk someone down in Chinese? Is it customary to say "You have so much to live for?" Can you say that with a straight face to an old monk?
I guess suicide is a pretty big problem in Taiwan. Work is really stressful here. I know that a lot of people work more than 10 hours a day. The Taiwanese authorities are not, however, without a plan. At the subway station nearest my house there is a sign above the escalators with a picture of a smiling monk, feet on a cliff and head in the clouds with a big, blue-lettered reminder that "You don't need to commit suicide!" and a hotline number.
This led to many questions for me. Why is the monk smiling? Was he recently dissuaded from suicide? Was he about to jump off that very cliff? If so, how did he call the hotline? Also, how do you talk someone down in Chinese? Is it customary to say "You have so much to live for?" Can you say that with a straight face to an old monk?
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The Fees
In Taiwan, I bank at the post office. The same sane and reliable people that handle my letters also handle my negligible savings. The other day I was all out of blue Taiwanese Monopoly money, so I had to go to the ATM, but there was no Bank of Post Office around, so I went to the Bank of Taiwan and asked a teller how much a non Bank of Taiwan ATM transaction fee would be. She thought for a minute and said "6 yuan." Satisfied, I turned to leave, and as I walked away the teller yelled "Wait! It is 7 yuan." OK. Instead of $0.20 the Bank of Taiwan would charge me $0.23 for the privilege to withdraw money from their ATM.
And that was it. Less than an quarter to withdraw money from a strange bank. Although, to be honest, that fees haven't showed up on my statement yet. I don't know how American bank's justify charging $3, both from your bank and the other bank, but I hope they invested all the profits in sub-prime mortgages.
And that was it. Less than an quarter to withdraw money from a strange bank. Although, to be honest, that fees haven't showed up on my statement yet. I don't know how American bank's justify charging $3, both from your bank and the other bank, but I hope they invested all the profits in sub-prime mortgages.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Blogging Can Be Trying For The Short-Winded
I want to complain about my Chinese teacher. She is like a collection of bad teaching habits.
1) She plays favorites. In this case she has inexplicably chosen Nadege, the French girl who refuses to put her phone on silent though she spends half of class time texting sweet French nothings to her Parisian buddies.
2) The teacher spends a great deal talking about her personal life. I now know that she has two kids, one of whom wants to be a director and one of whom just doesn't know what to do. I know that she likes to root through her neighbors garbage to find out who isn't recycling properly, and reporting said offenders so that they may be fined, heavily. I know that her husband is gone on business trips a lot, which explains her nosiness, I suppose. Finally, I know that she would almost certainly leave her husband for Taiwan's president-elect Ma Yingjiu, who has descended, Obama-like, from the clouds to right Taiwan's wrongs and usher the Taiwanese people into a new era of untold prosperity and happiness.
3. She tests us on things that we never went over in class. Granted, the first test was almost laughably easy, but the proper remedy is not to suddenly test us on things we didn't know we would be tested on and give everyone 80s.
Also, I think she is trying to convert me.
1) She plays favorites. In this case she has inexplicably chosen Nadege, the French girl who refuses to put her phone on silent though she spends half of class time texting sweet French nothings to her Parisian buddies.
2) The teacher spends a great deal talking about her personal life. I now know that she has two kids, one of whom wants to be a director and one of whom just doesn't know what to do. I know that she likes to root through her neighbors garbage to find out who isn't recycling properly, and reporting said offenders so that they may be fined, heavily. I know that her husband is gone on business trips a lot, which explains her nosiness, I suppose. Finally, I know that she would almost certainly leave her husband for Taiwan's president-elect Ma Yingjiu, who has descended, Obama-like, from the clouds to right Taiwan's wrongs and usher the Taiwanese people into a new era of untold prosperity and happiness.
3. She tests us on things that we never went over in class. Granted, the first test was almost laughably easy, but the proper remedy is not to suddenly test us on things we didn't know we would be tested on and give everyone 80s.
Also, I think she is trying to convert me.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Korean Games
I spent 6 hours yesterday at my classmate Soyeon's house playing crazy Korean games. First we played Yut, which is basically just Sorry except that you roll sticks instead of dice, and Korean girls yell at you when you do something wrong. Then we started playing same games which should by all rights be drinking games. In Korea, however, the loser is punished with a physical beating instead of shots. The beatings started out innocently, with a simple 2 fingers on the wrist, but gradually escalated to something that is called "Indian Bop," in which the loser must lie in the middle of a circle of people who then start wailing on the loser while chanting Indiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, culminating in a giant BOP! and final giant slap. All of which would have been tolerable if it were not for Yujin, who had an uncanny knack for painful wrist slaps and delayed BOPS.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Q (not the Star Trek one, Dad)
One of my best Taiwanese friends is named Q. At first I thought this was the English name he had picked for himself, because almost all Taiwanese people think it is necessary to use an English name when dealing with foreigners. This tends to have varying levels of success, starting at the mind-blowingly awesome "Playboy" and "Blaze," who my former roommate David had the honor of teaching, to the somewhat less inspired "Clement," who is currently terrorizing my classroom. So when Q introduced himself as "Q" a flurry of thoughts raced through my head. "Have I found Taiwan's only Star Trek fan?" "Why am I such a nerd?" "Is his knowledge of English so advanced that he has named himself after his own hairstyle? And if so what would his name be if he shaves it all off?" Then, unexpectedly, Q's friends started to call him "Da Q" or Big Q.
The thing is, QQ is the Taiwanese word for "chewy." Seriously. Instead of characters and strange, tone-based pronunciation, they just say "Q." As in, "These noodles are very Q." And so Q grabbed a hunk of his pony-tailed queue and explained that his hair is very Q, and so his friends all call him Big Q. I hope this leaves you as confused as it did me.
The thing is, QQ is the Taiwanese word for "chewy." Seriously. Instead of characters and strange, tone-based pronunciation, they just say "Q." As in, "These noodles are very Q." And so Q grabbed a hunk of his pony-tailed queue and explained that his hair is very Q, and so his friends all call him Big Q. I hope this leaves you as confused as it did me.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Digression is the Better Part of Valor
I held up my first ambulance in traffic today. I don't know whether to be proud of my adoption of local customs or aghast at the inhumanity.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Trains are so 19th Century
I got back from Green Island at 6 o'clock this morning. I left Green Island at 4:30 yesterday afternoon. This means (for those without an abacus handy) that, due the vagaries of Taiwan's transportation system, a journey which should have rated a mere "unpleasant" 6 hours ended up at a "grueling" 14 hours on Reed's Arbitrary Complainometer, rivaled only by the "hellish" received by my fourteen hour Chinese bus ride.
Aside from the return trip, Green Island was pretty amazing. Our hotel was run by an old, Taiwanese alcoholic who would only refer to himself as "laoda" or "The Big Boss" and bought me beer whenever we stopped someplace. But only me. The other 6 people in our party got kind of stiffed there. Anyway, my friends and I came to the conclusion that laoda is, in reality, the boss of Green Island's 2,000 cowering inhabitants, and our beliefs were reaffirmed when he randomly pulled over on the way to the harbor, walked up to a store owner and demanded 2,000 dollars, as well as a pack of cigarettes, which were given to him without complaint, but plenty of groveling.
Aside from protection rackets, Green Island has one of 3 salt water hot springs in the world, which cost 8 dollars to use all day. I spent from 9 o'clock until midnight jumping from cold pool to hot pool, driving frightened Taiwanese college students before me with equal measures of boisterousness and body hair.
Friday morning I rented a scooter made a complete loop around the island with Kristina, which took about 45 minutes. Finally, Big Boss drove us to the harbor, bought me one last beer, and wished us well on the Ferry of Seasickness.
Aside from the return trip, Green Island was pretty amazing. Our hotel was run by an old, Taiwanese alcoholic who would only refer to himself as "laoda" or "The Big Boss" and bought me beer whenever we stopped someplace. But only me. The other 6 people in our party got kind of stiffed there. Anyway, my friends and I came to the conclusion that laoda is, in reality, the boss of Green Island's 2,000 cowering inhabitants, and our beliefs were reaffirmed when he randomly pulled over on the way to the harbor, walked up to a store owner and demanded 2,000 dollars, as well as a pack of cigarettes, which were given to him without complaint, but plenty of groveling.
Aside from protection rackets, Green Island has one of 3 salt water hot springs in the world, which cost 8 dollars to use all day. I spent from 9 o'clock until midnight jumping from cold pool to hot pool, driving frightened Taiwanese college students before me with equal measures of boisterousness and body hair.
Friday morning I rented a scooter made a complete loop around the island with Kristina, which took about 45 minutes. Finally, Big Boss drove us to the harbor, bought me one last beer, and wished us well on the Ferry of Seasickness.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
綠島
Lest anyone accuse Reed of all work and no play (was that ever a concern to anyone?) I'm taking a bus bound for southern Taiwan in about 3 hours. The final destination is Green Island, which I just discovered is primarily known for its prisons and penal colonies and although that would be pretty cool if they were Alcatraz-like museums, they are still actively restraining Taiwan's most vicious criminals, which makes it kind of like a trip to SLO. Green Island was originally sold to me as a utopian resort island populated only by excellent cooks and salt water hot springs by some shifty Europeans, but I figure it will still turn out alright, despite the 9 hour bus ride to get there.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Why does it always rain on me?
It rained all day today. I got up and it was raining. Then I ate lunch and it started to rain harder. Then I drove to work and it rained the hardest of all.
Driving in the rain is never fun, but driving a scooter in the rain has to be the absolute nut low. I was maybe 3 minutes away from my house, staying somewhat dry in the 10 dollar poncho bequeathed to me by David when a bus upended a small lake on me. I stayed upright however, only to get similarly abused by a jeep on the bridge.
The good news is that is it only supposed to rain for another week.
Driving in the rain is never fun, but driving a scooter in the rain has to be the absolute nut low. I was maybe 3 minutes away from my house, staying somewhat dry in the 10 dollar poncho bequeathed to me by David when a bus upended a small lake on me. I stayed upright however, only to get similarly abused by a jeep on the bridge.
The good news is that is it only supposed to rain for another week.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Daguerotype Dreamin'
I decided it would be easier just to vomit everything onto my newly created flickr.
For people over 40, the link is hidden somewhere in this post, and that is my Easter present to you.
For people over 40, the link is hidden somewhere in this post, and that is my Easter present to you.
Monday, March 17, 2008
It's Been A Long Time (I Shouldn'ta Left Ya)
To borrow the words of legendary blogger Jim Anchower "I know it's been awhile since I rapped at ya."
Anyway, what was originally a six month paid vacation in Taiwan has been extended into a nine month work-study program in Taipei, so I find myself with a little extra time and a lot of extra money. This means that I can promise two things in the near future 1. A camera, with accompanying pictures. Of Taipei, not the camera. 2. A frequently updated blog.
Anyway, what was originally a six month paid vacation in Taiwan has been extended into a nine month work-study program in Taipei, so I find myself with a little extra time and a lot of extra money. This means that I can promise two things in the near future 1. A camera, with accompanying pictures. Of Taipei, not the camera. 2. A frequently updated blog.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Slovenska Baba
I realized how ridiculous scooters are today. I almost severed Kristina's lower right leg this morning in an attempt to save 5 minutes on the commute to school. Instead of getting to school on time, we both missed school because Kristina was essentially an amputee. I was also limping, so crushed under the weight of my own guilt was I.
Unfortunately I still had to go to work, and as I drove the perilous 20 minutes of my daily commute I thought about all the near misses and almost collisions I had while driving in San Diego and Santa Barbara. Then I asked myself why someone as obviously oblivious as myself would strap a bicycle helmet to his head and drive around in South Asia's 5th most crazy traffic at 60 km/h. Then I almost ran into another scooter and started to concentrate on the road again.
Unfortunately I still had to go to work, and as I drove the perilous 20 minutes of my daily commute I thought about all the near misses and almost collisions I had while driving in San Diego and Santa Barbara. Then I asked myself why someone as obviously oblivious as myself would strap a bicycle helmet to his head and drive around in South Asia's 5th most crazy traffic at 60 km/h. Then I almost ran into another scooter and started to concentrate on the road again.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
新年快樂!!
New Years was awesome! People from my class and Nathan's former classmates (aka The European Union) went to a friend's house near Taipei 101 to have a party. It took a really long time for the bus to get there because Taipei was pretty crowded, as you might imagine, so by the time we got to the apartment we drank the alcohol with the quickness and clambered to the roof. In that order, unfortunately. Then we drank more on top of the roof.
The firework show was amazing, from the little of it I saw. I would have some truly mindblowing pictures of it if certain Slovenians had loaned out their cameras or certain Mexicans were not busy drunkenly firing bottlerockets at nearby apartments. Here is a picture I stole from someone's blog.
Taiwan's Homosexual Terror Alert shot up to magenta after this terrifying incident.
The firework show was amazing, from the little of it I saw. I would have some truly mindblowing pictures of it if certain Slovenians had loaned out their cameras or certain Mexicans were not busy drunkenly firing bottlerockets at nearby apartments. Here is a picture I stole from someone's blog.
Taiwan's Homosexual Terror Alert shot up to magenta after this terrifying incident.
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