Big Fire

I heard there was some kind of natural disaster going on in San Diego, but I thought my mom had just burned another roast and my dad was making the whole thing up to save face. Then in class this morning, my teacher asked if I had heard about the "Da Huo." For a second I was really intrigued by the idea of an enormous pot, hiding in Taipei, waiting for me to hear about it, but I realized that she was talking about the big fire, which is the literal translation "Da Huo," or Chinese for "enormous, uncontrollable fire which drives humans before it like so many recently homeless squirrels." At least, that is what my dictionary said. Big fire seems descriptive enough to me.

The Japanese girls in my class seemed genuinely concerned when I accidentally implied that the fire was inside my house, instead of my hometown.

Things I Learned on my Scooter

1. Scooter-riding girls in converses and stockings are distractingly attractive. When I die, I will probably go out crushed under a bus, craning my neck for one last look at the classy girl in the Mondrian Chucks.

2. I have started to dream about dodging buses, and having nightmares about bus drivers gone postal, fed up with dodging the insect-like hordes of scooters that prevent him from driving anywhere.

3. I get extremely jealous when I see a couple riding a scooter.

4. Those surgical masks Chinese people wear to block carcinogens from entering their lungs are about as effective as a lump of coal tied to your face with asbestos.